Written by Ken Canfield PhD. for the American Association of Christian Counselors

What is the status of fatherhood, and how has fatherhood research changed over the past 40 years?

We know all too well the negative social sequelae impacting children who are growing up without a father or father figure. These children languish compared to those with a dad or father figure who is Involved, Consistent, Aware, and Nurturing—also known as the “I-CANs of Fathering.”

Early in the fathering movement, a team of researchers devised several new metrics that assess the I-CANs[1] of Fathering along with satisfaction measures,[2] general fathering practices,[3] attachment, father engagement, attunement, and many more. However, the once-promising field of fathering research, which was rich with resources from foundations and federal dollars years ago, has seen many funders move on to explore new social issues and problems.

Correspondingly, practitioners who have led fathering programming have also experienced funding challenges, yet their commitment, driven by passion, has yielded new understanding and insights. Going forward, both practitioners and researchers realize that responsible fathering is essential in raising the next generation to be confident and healthy adults.

In addition, new innovative pathways must be explored as we look at fresh approaches in contemporary research and integrate both the moral and spiritual dimensions of fathering.

 

The Power of Hope

Astute Christian therapists and researchers have an opportunity to tap into historical literature and sync those insights with the current research on hope.[4] In Hebrew literature, the word for hope is tiqwa.[5] Tiqwa, in a literal sense, means “cord,” and it was used to describe the cord that Joshua gave to Rahab, the prostitute, as he instructed her to leave this cord outside her window to avert the consequences of the destruction of her city.

The word tiqwa became one of the common words for hope in the Old Testament[6] and was used extensively in the narratives in Job. It often conveyed the idea of deliverance from an unknown future, especially when facing the possibility of death, fear, isolation, failure, or loss. Hope was contrasted with hopelessness when despair and desperation reigned.

Researchers and clinicians[7] have long known that hopelessness is often a byproduct of poor outcomes. It can lead to a frozen, fearful state where people remain stuck until they find ways to start new habits, adopt better outlooks, and begin to move forward with hope.

Thus, biblical hope and the science of hope overlap in many ways. Current research suggests that an essential step in activating hope is developing a pathway or a plan, which includes identifying barriers and obstacles to achieving goals. Without a pathway, hope is wishful thinking or, using Prochaska’s[8] grid, pre-contemplation. However, positive change is far more likely with an established plan that identifies the attitudes, behaviors, and support systems necessary to engage in hope-filled living.

 

Why is Hope Important to Fathers?

In many cases, discouragement and despair have haunted men in their efforts to be committed fathers, especially men who grew up without a father. At the same time, sons and daughters are looking for courageous, hope-filled leadership from their dads in a world saturated with gloom and desperation. With hope as a guiding pathway—which reigns in negativity and transforms the impossible into a promising future—the deployment of hope-filled fathering is timely.

The following questions can be asked of fathers to help them establish a reference point for hope-filled fathering:

• When you have felt hopeless as a father, what circumstances were you facing?
• What goals have you determined to be important in your fathering repertoire that you have failed to act on?
• How have you celebrated your child, your child’s mother, or other family members when you are positively focused on your fathering role?
• What is the source of your fathering energy that keeps you going in good times and when unexpected crises occur?

 

Hope Research Applied to Fathers

After conducting research[9] (N=1616) using hope as an independent variable and relating it to fathering practices and behaviors, four categories of hope and fathering emerged:

1. Hurting and Hopeless Fathering. All fathers will face this demon at some time. It is inescapable and can be related to a variety of circumstances. A dad may be mired in a fathering wound he inherited from his father. Or he may be separated from his child and in a contentious relationship with his child’s mother. Dads in this category are more likely to be dealing with the overwhelming demands of caring for a special-needs child or be a dad grieving as his child chooses a path that is diametrically different from his values, plans, or hopes, leaving him assuming responsibility for his child’s mistakes.

It is common for these fathers to feel a lack of energy and motivation to keep going—which may be exacerbated by physical, emotional, and/or financial challenges. Dads in this difficult state feel out of control and are also typically unable to be patient or laugh with their children while being more likely to struggle with intense emotions like anger and rage.

Hopeless fathers benefit from practical tools and having a road map to help them better understand their children’s development and unique needs. Too often, they are stuck in negative thoughts and emotions, and it can seem impossible to overcome the prevailing circumstances that inhibit their influence as a dad.

Action Points for Hurting and Hopeless Fathers:

• Complete a genogram with a trained counselor, coach, or pastor
• Identify supports to address his deficits
• Commit to processing issues through self-disclosure (e.g., journaling, counseling, etc.)
• Begin by taking small sequenced steps to be an overcomer father

 

2. Hoping Fathers. These dads have good intentions and seek to engage, strengthen, and stay connected to their children. Unfortunately, many times, they are preoccupied with other “important” priorities. They are more likely to pursue matters that seem “urgent”—burdened by the daily distractions of life—at the risk of missing out on their limited opportunities with their kids. Well-financed dads may think of ways to buy their children high-quality opportunities at the expense of their own involvement. Fathers in this category often depend on other influences while hoping they will fill the void in their children’s hearts for a committed dad.

Goals and a plan are paramount for these fathers, yet if there is no accountability, evaluation, or assessment of their follow-through, their potential as dads will languish. This is where hoping fathers struggle as they often set themselves up for a rude awakening years later—when they finally recognize the error of their ways, but by then, the prime opportunities with their kids have passed them by.

Action Points for Hoping Fathers:

• Identify a mentor/model you can trust and with whom you can share challenges
• Join a small group and be forthright and honest about your issues
• Recognize and identify any barriers to your fathering goals
• Establish benchmarks for growth and accountability

 

3. Hopeful Fathers. These men have a fathering plan with corresponding backing to accomplish that plan. They know how to fulfill their role, realizing that it must fit into a mutually agreed-upon plan with their children’s mother and other stakeholders in their children’s future. Also, hopeful fathers are skilled at expecting problems to occur while exhibiting an optimistic attitude when those problems present themselves.

Hopeful fathers have go-to sources of support that they can reference throughout their fatherhood journey. They read, listen to podcasts, observe, and interact with other fathers who have a track record of success. Being acquainted with helpful resources is essential for these fathers to succeed—they know it and take action.

Action Points for Hopeful Fathers:

• Identify any deficits and weaknesses in your past and present fathering
• Share your areas of vulnerability with others who are trustworthy
• Participate in a small group
• Develop a plan to build strengths (e.g., clarify a fathering plan with specific goals)

 

4. Hope-filled Fathers. These fathers are not unrealistic in their expectations, nor are they aloof. Instead, they are courageously and diligently utilizing every resource available to keep growing as fathers. They are eager to be involved with other fathers and mentors who become reliable guides along the way and are willing to listen and learn. When problems arise, which they do, these dads are quick to respond with energy while utilizing whatever resources are needed to continue moving forward without excuses.

Hope-filled fathers are attuned to the spiritual side of fathering, with strong faith connections that their children recognize as authentic. They truly live out their moral and spiritual convictions. Hope-filled fathers quickly acknowledge the influence of others who help make their children successful. Additionally, hope-filled fathers respond with humility and applaud their children’s wise choices while remaining consistent even when their children make unwise choices.

Action Points for Hope-filled Fathers:

• Be humbled by recognizing and examining your heritage
• Facilitate a small group and mentor others
• Build upon and activate your assets by applying what you have inherited and learned
• Exercise your leadership by initiating, encouraging, and serving your children and others

 

Conclusion

We all know there are no perfect fathers. We are also well aware that these dimensions of hope will overlap and fluctuate at times throughout the fathering journey. Yet, it is up to each dad to maintain his focus and give his very best to the role.

And for those working to bless, encourage, and support dads in your lives or through your practice, remind them of one great place to start when addressing any fathering challenge: the spiritual and moral dimension. As my wife succinctly noted about hope, a Heavenward Orientation Powers Everything.

 

 

Ken Canfield, Ph.D., is the founder of the National Center for Fathering, @ fathers.com. He has published both scientifically and popularly. Ken is the father of five children and granddad of 16. He also provides leadership to www.grandkidsmatter.org. Ken is married to Michelle, and they reside in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

 

Endnotes

[1] Canfield, K. (2006). The heart of a father. Northfield Publishing.

[2] Canfield, K., Schumm, W., & Swihart, J. (1990). Factorial validity of brief satisfaction scales. Psychological Reports, 67, 1319-1322.

 

[3] Roid, G., & Canfield, K. (1994). Measuring the dimensions of effective fathering. Educational and Psychological Measurement. Vol. 54, No. 1, 212-217.

 

[4] Gwinn, C., & Hellman, C. (2022). Hope rising: How the science of hope can change your life. Morgan James Publishing.

 

[5] Harris, R., Archer, G., & Waltke, B. (1980). Theological wordbook of the Old Testament. Moody Press.

[6] VanGemeren, W. (1997). New international dictionary of Old Testament theology and exegesis. Zondervan Publishing.

 

[7] Tomasulo, D. (2020). Learned hopefulness. New Harbinger Publications.

 

[8] Prochaska, J., & Norcross, J. (2018). Systems of psychotherapy: A transtheoretical analysis. Oxford University Press.

 

[9] Canfield, K., & Canfield, M. (2024). Hope-filled fathering. NCF Research Briefs-In press.