One of the reasons I was nervous on our first date (other than because my surfboard hit my date on her head, splitting it open with blood dripping in the ocean) is that I always believed that when two people with similar kingdom goals marry, great things can happen. Fast forward a year after the infamous smack on the head, and I knew there could be great adventures ahead of us. I was nervous because of the potential we had. I was nervous because I knew God’s plan for sexual faithfulness—but wasn’t sure I would be able to live it out, giving into my selfish desires.
What’s fascinating is God’s view of sex communicated to the Hebrews in the book of Genesis:
The Hebrew World
At creation God entrusted this newly created paradise to Adam saying, “Take care of it.” One of Adam’s first tasks was the naming of the animals, and he gave them names as he saw fit. Each had a mate. Each had someone—a companion. All seemed well, but there was a problem in paradise.
Adam was alone.
Even though he had God and all the animals, Adam wanted a partner—another like him. To relieve this loneliness, God created another like him—Eve. Now in this paradise, we have partners, Adam and Eve, who work together to tend to the land, care for the animals, and who enjoy one another in every way. They were able to look at one another in full vulnerability and not feel any insecurities or shame. It was God, Adam, and Eve living in the Garden of Eden—a picture of perfect harmony, perfect intimacy, and perfect unity.
Sadly, it would not last long. As the biblical account goes—Adam and Eve ate from the fruit of the tree and everything changed (Gen 3).
Adam and Eve no longer had the same intimate relationship. They felt shame, insecurities, and deceit. They realized they were naked and ran and covered themselves, hid from God, and blamed one another for what happened. Their intimate bond of unity, of oneness, had been shattered. Now their world became what God had never intended.
This Really is our Story
The story of Adam and Eve is our story. It is the story of what we all yearn for: a deep, intimate, meaningful, trusting relationship with a partner—oneness. This is how God created us. This is his desire for us as well. The question is this, however: Is it possible for us to get back to that oneness?
In Genesis 2:24–25, the dynamics of marriage are introduced, noting that a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, that the two would become “one flesh.” The word, “one” is the Hebrew word echad. Echad carries the idea of one in the midst of unity. The Hebrew word for “flesh” is basar and it can mean “flesh” or “body.” When these two words are combined, it paints the picture of this couple being united at the deepest level, not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. Husband and wife, one made from the elements of dirt, the other taken from a rib, now enjoy God’s gift of sex—a physical unity that envisions the becoming of one flesh once again—emotionally and spiritually. As Adam and Eve came from one body so now they would, once again, become one.
During sex, two beings—two souls—are uniting, becoming one. There is an intimacy and deepness unlike any other act. It is interesting that the writer of Genesis 2 connects this sense of oneness—echad-ness—within the dynamics of marriage. It is as if to communicate that this bond is so powerful, so transcending, that marriage is the only force that can contain it. Marriage was sacred.
It Makes Sense Why I Was Nervous
Fast forward from the first date to the wedding altar: I was nervous just like at the first date because of what was to come. We waited for sex and cutting the bracelet I had on my wrist for 15 years that communicated I waited for her. I was nervous because of the gift of echad basar. Consummating our marriage was not only a physical union—but an emotional and spiritual union as well. That’s powerful! That is something to be nervous about—but nervous in a good, exciting way.
I believe God wants us to live a fulfilled life—and that’s the natural by-product of when we are in his will.
This gift of sex is not a bad act—rather it is to be celebrated and praised. Sex becomes harmful when used outside of what God intended.
Reflecting on our first date and our wedding day and seeing the interconnectedness of creation, it makes more sense now as to why I was so nervous. God has created us to live and honor Him—and the one who could mess that up was me.
The beauty of God is that even if we go against what he designed—there is redemption. Just like God brings us eternal redemption through the cross—he offers us relational redemption. Our shortcomings are forgiven when we seek his forgiveness. We are loved and cherished, and he has a life of fulfillment set before us. Let’s choose the road less traveled, and not give into our selfish urges and see what God will do in and through us.
After thirteen years as a local pastor, Bryan A. Sands has served as the Director of Campus Ministries at Hope International University in Fullerton, CA since 2011. His book, Everyone Loves Sex: So Why Wait? (A Discussion in Sexual Faithfulness) released not only in the States but also in Australia. You can learn more about the book at EveryoneLovesSex.org. Bryan, his wife, Caz, and two daughters live in California.